Green Doesn’t Always Mean Go

This particular memory takes me back to my early twenties, when I was helping others more openly — building confidence in my abilities whilst exploring what I was truly capable of.

My cousin had organised a big girls’ weekend in Birmingham. It was all arranged: hotel, outfits, tickets to a venue. I was committed to showing up and enjoying what the weekend would bring… until the worst feeling hit me. Unexplainable.

I waited to see if it would pass, but as the day drew close it got worse. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t anxiety, tiredness, or me judging myself and needing to realign.

The day before we were due to leave, I was in a state — still a people pleaser at the time. There was no “real reason” to cancel. The only thing I could think to do was call my mother and tell her how I had been feeling.

There were two cars, two drivers. I was in the backseat. We got there.

The weekend was an eye-opener. I saw my loved ones’ true colours. I listened to people open up — their emotions and deep truths — and something did shift that weekend.

I was glad to be returning home.

When we arrived back on familiar territory, we were stationary at a red light when the driver suddenly pulled into oncoming traffic. It’s like she thought she’d seen the lights turn green… but they hadn’t. Somehow, she avoided three or four cars as we all screamed — including her.

Looking back, that experience didn’t immediately make me master the difference between anxiety, intuition, anticipation, fear, or worry — because unless you can see clearly, those things get entangled.

And I still felt guilt. Guilt in letting those I loved down. I continued to overlook my feelings if it meant I’d disappoint someone who needed me to show up. I’d always been someone who kept my word — I didn’t flake.

It took time before I finally realised those habits weren’t loyalty. They were outdated conditioning.

My intuition was trying to save my life.

It takes too much energy to override it.

Now I recognise the subtle and the intense signals my body communicates. Life is too precious today to test fate — so if my body says act, I will. If it says rest, I won’t check twice.

I hear it loud and clear.

“If your body is whispering, you don’t need to wait for it to scream. I still remember that traffic light.”